


Find My Way Back

by mango22



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: And love, F/M, Mostly Fluff, Religion, a little angst here and there too, and other topics like friendship, continuation after season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-11-19 22:31:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11323053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mango22/pseuds/mango22
Summary: The story of Yousef and Sana's relationship and how it progresses after season 4 ends.Yousef looked down at her with the most awed expression on his face, like she was the only one that mattered. She was shyly smiling back at him, cheeks flushed and wide eyed, as though she couldn’t believe after all this time, he was finally here, standing in front of her.





	1. Inshallah

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo, this is just me trying to continue yousana's story according to my headcannons for them and also AN ATTEMPT to make sense of all the loose threads left hanging at the end of the season (trust me it isn't easy when everything was so VAGUE in the show). There were so many things left unresolved, or unrevealed (for example what REALLY happened at bakka, why everyone has a different version of the same story etc) and to just have the characters TALK about a lot of the unaddressed issues throughout the season (ahem girl squad). 
> 
> Also just an excuse to write about some favorite fanon pairings I adore (mikadam and chrismutta and more to come!)
> 
> POVs will change from time to time and also this is purely my biased interpretation of where their story is going next based on my headcannons for these characters and what I personally would like to see, so as always hope you enjoy!

_I am listening to Istanbul, intent, my eyes closed._

_A bird flutters round your skirt;_

_A silver moon rises beyond the pine trees:_

_I can sense it all in your heart's throbbing._

_I am listening to Istanbul, intent, my eyes closed._

Yousef read the poem and smiled. It was an ode to this beautiful city but all he could think of as he flipped the pages of the book was Sana. Trying to love Istanbul while his heart was in Oslo.

 

Especially today. He wished he was standing in the Bakkoush backyard, next to his squad, stealing glances at Sana but ‘trying’ to be a bit more discreet about it in her parents’ presence. Her mom already didn’t like him; he didn’t want to get on the wrong side of her dad as well.

 

He pulled up the picture she sent him again. Sana looked like a princess, taking ‘pretty in pink’ to a whole new level. He had wanted to say so much more than a simple “wow <3” when he saw her, but at the moment that was all he had managed to type.

 

And then he had sent her the picture of the Hagia Sophia and boldly written “One day I’m going to bring you here.”

 

He shook his head. She hadn’t replied yet and he tried not to think too much of it since she was probably busy with her guests at the party (apparently she had invited the entire student population of Nissen). Still, perhaps he should’ve written “one day I would like to bring you here” instead.

 

But the problem was that in his mind there was no maybe, in his mind of course Sana was his future, and they would travel to Turkey and Morocco and so many other destinations together.

 

He knew it wasn’t the same for Sana.

 

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 

It was almost midnight and Yousef was ready to go to sleep. Still no answer from Sana but he tried not to be too bothered by it. One of his biggest flaws was that he over thought and assumed way more than he should. Like that time, he assumed Sana unfriended him because she didn’t like him and that had lead to him kissing Noora back. He cringed at the memory. Even if she didn’t like him, it was very stupid of him to go make out with one of her closest friends. Thank goodness Sana didn’t know about that.

 

No, Yousef decided. He wouldn’t jump to conclusions and make up stories in his mind anymore, he would wait and take it slowly with Sana this time around.

 

He sat on the bed and opened the Youtube app on his phone to watch the latest Hei Briskeby video again, grinning the whole time.

 

Seeing Even so happy, reunited with his friends and back in the squad, felt amazing to say the least. They had added him back to the group chat and it was like he never left.

 

Like that incident had never happened. The one that had affected them all in different ways.

 

In hindsight, maybe it was all a matter of perspective. He had placed blame on Mikael, and religion, for leading Even down that dark path. But hearing him talk about it, after all these months, he realized he had judged too harshly. Assumed Mikael had reacted a certain way due to a certain reason, when in reality he didn’t know what had actually happened. He wasn’t there and had decided to fill in the blanks for a story that wasn’t his.

 

He remembered Elias looking at Even’s facebook messages, then sending Even the video he had found of LGBTQ Muslims discussing faith and sexuality, and how they believed that it wasn’t mutually exclusive and they didn’t have to forsake one for the other. As an attempt to get his former friend to open up, to talk to them, so that they could help him and be by his side. But just like all the other phone calls, texts and voicemails, that too was ignored.

 

Recently he had dug up that video again, watching them talk with such conviction, without a trace of doubt. He kind of envied them to be honest.

 

They found peace in their religion instead of stress, they found light instead darkness, they took the love and threw out the hate.

 

Hadn’t he done the same? At least that’s what he used to think.

 

Yet now, back in Turkey, with each passing day, he missed that feeling. He missed it every time he sat outside when his cousins went to the mosque to pray, every time they all broke their fast while he sat at the table with an already full stomach, every time he heard his grandmother recite the Quran. That feeling of everything having a higher purpose, of belonging to a community of like minded souls, of having a life structured around his faith.

 

But truth be told, he hadn’t changed much had he? Elias still would joke about how he was the most Muslim of them all. His habits remained, only his belief was gone. Though was it _truly_ gone?

 

_You’re actually a Muslim. You just say you’re not._

 

Sana’s words about how none of this could be random had resonated deeply with him. There had to be a higher power, whatever name you chose to call it with. But in his sorrow and despair and _anger_ he had decided that he’d rather believe that something that can cause this much pain didn't exist.

 

He looked back at his screen, at Mikael and Even laughing in the video, and felt something lift off his chest. A burden he hadn’t even realized had been sitting there for so long.

 

_Verily, with every hardship comes ease._

Yousef smiled as he closed the app and settled in his bed. It was rickety old thing that made too much noise when he turned on his side, but tonight he didn’t mind. Tonight sleep came easy to him. He would need it after all, his whole family was going to wake up early for Eid tomorrow.

 

Just as he closed his eyes his phone pinged with a new message alert. His heart skipped a beat as he saw the familiar name light up his screen.

 

_Yousef: One day I’m going to bring you here._

_Sana: Inshallah <3_


	2. Me Too

Things were slowly winding down, almost everyone had left except for Chris and the balloon squad. Sana looked around and smiled. The party had been a success.

 

Sara and the rest of the Pepsi Max gang had thanked her before leaving and she hoped that were no hard feelings on their side since she had none on hers. Even if they did she had done her part, extended the olive branch and done all she could to make it clear that she wanted no more drama.

 

Noora, William, Eskild and Linn had left together and as Sana watched them go she thought they looked almost like an odd, little mismatched family. Eva and Jonas followed soon after, with no sign of their respective dates but they didn’t seem too bothered. Sana didn't know where P Chris and Emma went and to be honest she didn't care either.

 

Her mother and father had retreated inside, apparently having had enough socialization for the day.

 

Sana went to the kitchen to grab refreshments for the remaining people. She found Jamilla with her back to her, leaning against the counter and chatting away with her fiancé.

 

“I wish you were here too. But at least you’ll make it back in time for Eid-ul Adha inshallah.”

 

He said something in reply and she laughed softly. “Oh shut up Ahmed.”

 

Another silence while he talked, then finally she hung up with an “Assalamualaikum. I love you.”

 

“Hmm hmph.” Sana coughed and Jamilla jumped around at the sound.

 

“How many times has he called you today? Four, five?”

 

Jamilla pouted. “Leave him alone he’s really lonely all by himself in Denmark.”

 

“Well then he shouldn’t have decided to do his masters in a foreign country, or at least taken a break to come home for Eid.”

 

“You know he can’t, he has his exams.”

 

Sana sat down at the table and took off her heels. “I know, I know. I just miss him, especially today. He should be here.”

 

Jamilla pulled up a chair and sat beside her. “Tell me about it.” Then she gave her a curious look and said, “Is this really only about Ahmed?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“You know, is he the only one you’re talking about when you say “he should’ve been here today.” Jamilla meaningfully lifted an eyebrow.

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

Her sister in law sighed. “Mama told me about Yousef.”

 

“What?!”

 

She put her hand on Sana’s arm. “It’s okay, calm down. She was just worried about you and thought that I should talk to you.”

 

Jamilla could see Sana’s defenses come up and already feel her closing herself off. “And what exactly would that talk consist of? You’re going to warn me against pursuing a fruitless relationship because it’s not going to go anywhere?”

 

She shifted and turned her full body toward Sana and gently took both her hands. “No, habibti I won’t. I admit I’ve been wrong in the past. That the advice I gave you -although it always came from a place of love and worry for you – wasn’t right. Today I saw how happy you are with your non Muslim friends, how they care for you. I realize that maybe I judged too soon and too much, and even used out of context verses from the Quran to make you feel guilty. And I haven’t apologized for that yet so I’m _sorry.”_

Sana sniffed and tried to ignore the lump in her throat. She was already so emotional from that speech and now this, she wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears for much longer if the conversation kept going like that.

 

“I should be the one apologizing for pulling that horrible stunt last year. I had no right to do that, to invade your privacy and post those messages and I am truly so sorry for that Jamilla.”

 

She squeezed her hands. “So it’s done then, we both forgive each other?”

 

Sana gave her a watery smile and nodded.

 

“Good. Now look, I don’t know what’s between you and Yousef. Whatever your mom told me, I’m choosing to disregard that because at the end of the day it’s your decision. Love and religion and almost every other thing in life is not as black and white as it seems, so I understand your struggle. But Sana, this is such a huge leap, are you ready to take it?”

 

She wanted to say yes, but after a few seconds of heavy silence, all she could whisper was a soft, “I don’t know.”

 

Jamilla leaned forward and placed a hand on her cheek. “And that’s okay. You don’t have to know all the answers right now. You’re only 17 habibti. Take it slow, one day at a time.”

 

Sana affectionately rolled her eyes. “Coming from the girl who got engaged at 17. Okay then.”

 

“Ahmed and I are a completely different story. I was picturing our wedding by our second or third meeting, and then the names of our kids by the fourth. Don’t tell me you’re at that stage with Yousef.”

 

Sana scrunched up her nose. “Noooooo.” She said slowly.

 

Jamilla gave her a “oh my goodness, really?” look but didn’t say anymore on the topic. Instead she said, “Whatever it is, whatever you choose to do, know that I’m always here to talk okay?”

 

Sana nodded. “Okay. I need to start doing more of that anyway. You’re right about my friends being caring and kind, but I think I need to sit down and have a talk with them too.”

 

Now it seemed Jamilla would tear up because in a shaky voice she said, “You know Sana, sometimes I look at you and see this drastic change and am amazed at _how far_ you’ve come since your time at Ura. You’re so much more open and receptive and I’m so happy for you.”

 

She kissed her forehead and then stood up. “I think that’s enough heart to heart conversations for today. Let’s go clean up outside.”

 

Sana remembered her original purpose for coming to the kitchen and grabbed a few soda cans before heading out.

 

In the backyard it seemed the squad had been divided in two groups. Mutta and Chris were on one side, chatting animatedly and occasionally leaning close to whisper something in one another’s ear; and on the other side Adam and Mikael seemed to be having a heated discussion, almost an argument as they faced one another with arms crossed and sullen expressions.

Elias was roaming around aimlessly by himself with a bored look on his face.

 

When he saw Sana he trudged up to her and grabbed a soda. Then with the most pathetic voice he said, “I miss Yousef.”

 

Sana sighed. _Me too Elias, me too._


	3. Need To Talk

The Blue Mosque looked magnificent as always, the six minarets on each side standing tall and proud against the azure blue sky. It was 8:30am and the Eid Salah* was about to begin. The court outside the masjid was packed with people wearing their beautiful new clothes, some passing out sweets to the kids, others hugging and wishing one another Eid Mubarak before heading inside together to pray.

 

Yousef looked around and smiled wide. He loved this time of the year, the air of festivity and happiness all around. When he was younger it was also the time when he would get richer due to all the Eid Money (Eidy) he would receive. Now as a nineteen-year-old he was the one giving out Eidy to all his nieces and nephews. He didn’t mind though, it was wonderful to see their faces light up with joy as he handed out new, crisp 10 lira notes to the kids.

 

He took a picture of the mosque and sent it to Sana.

 

_Yousef: Eid Mubarak! One day I’ll bring you here too._

 

As his family made their way into the mosque, he hesitated at the gates. One foot at the threshold, he felt his heart pound as a part of him felt the pull to step inside, to once more stand shoulder to shoulder next to strangers united solely by their faith as they all turned toward the Qiblah to pray. But another part, the jaded side, knew he wasn’t ready.

 

So he walked away. He decided he’d come back in 15 minutes once the prayer and the sermon was done.

 

Strolling around, he found a few market stalls nearby selling hijabs. His mind went to Sana immediately, as it was wont to do these days. Barely a week and he already missed her so much. How was he supposed to survive an entire month?

 

His phone pinged and it was almost embarrassing how happy that sound made him. Even more embarrassing was the way his jaw dropped open when he saw the picture she had sent him. She was wearing a coral blue silk dress with a matching hijab, smiling wide enough for her dimples to show.

 

_Sana: Eid Mubarak Yousef! It’s so beautiful, I’ve always wanted to visit the Blue Mosque. You keep saying you’ll take me but when? :P_

 

Right now if I could, Yousef thought. Sana looked absolutely stunning and instead of saying anything he just sent her a selfie of himself looking shocked.

 

_Sana: ???_

_Yousef: That’s my “WOW” face._

_Sana: Ahaha, thanks! You look very nice too : )_

A sound distracted him and he glanced up to see the woman was asking him if he wanted to purchase one of the hijabs.

 

“For your mother, sister or a girlfriend perhaps?” she asked him sweetly.

 

He saw the shimmering purple scarf she was holding, with silver sequins around the border and pictured Sana wearing it.

 

“Yes, can I have this one, and that red one and pink one too?” Thank you!”

 

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Balloon Squad GC: Hei Briskeby Boys**

_Elias: Did you buy the sofa yet?_

_Even: Yeah Yousef, we’re going to need that extra space from now on_

_Yousef: Here’s a link to my paypal._

_Elias: Bro, I’m unemployed_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Even**

_Yousef: Just wanted to tell you I saw that awesome video you made for Isak. It was great!_

_Even: Thanks! Took me a while so I’m happy with the outcome_

_Yousef: Yeah I’m sure. I really liked the idea and it made me want to make one too, but a different type of video and I was wondering if you’d like to help?_

_Even: Of course! Who’s it for?_

_Yousef: Her birthday is still a few months away but like you said it takes time so I wanted to start early. And we’re not a couple so I don’t want the video to be just me. I want it to include all her friends wishing her and saying what they love about her._

_Even: Oh. I see. Do you at least have a title? First step Yousef._

_Yousef: Yeah. I do._

_Even: What is it?_

_Yousef: For the girl who couldn't peel carrots._

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Adam**

_Adam: Hey Yousef, are you free?_

_Yousef: Yeah what’s up?_

_Adam: I need to talk. It’s about Mikael._


	4. Not Alone

It had been a long day, and they were finally home. Eid was fun but after visiting 6 different homes, being encouraged to eat rich Moroccan food at every single house and having her polite refusals dismissed, Sana was feeling exhausted, bloated and sleepy all at once.

 

She was lying in bed, too tired to even take off her fancy clothes and makeup. Her phone vibrated with a new facebook message.

_Yousef: I heard Stephen Curry is going to Norway for a holiday_

_Sana: Oh wow really?! I had no idea! Hold on let me google which town he’s visiting_

_Yousef: I’m so sad :( I was testing you and you failed_

_Sana: -_-  you got me so excited for no reason_

_Yousef: Was just trying to see if you are keeping your promise. Clearly not. Do you even miss me?_

_Sana: Nah I don’t, no one does._

_Yousef: ……….._

_Sana: Haha just kidding, just kidding! Everyone does, especially Elias! He’s even more mopier than usual without you around_

_Yousef: Yeah I miss him a lot too. Always me and Elias. Speaking of him..._

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 

Sana knocked on her brother’s door. When she was young, this was basically a war zone for her, and she would only enter when absolutely necessary. Over the years as Elias became less of a mess, his room improved with his personality and habits.

 

On the third knock he said come in. She opened the door to find him on his bed, laptop on his thighs, one earplug in his hand as he gave her a quizzical look.

 

“You need something Sana?”

 

She smiled and shook her head. “No, I just wanted to talk.”

 

He raised an eyebrow as she closed the door. “Okay.”

 

“If you’re not too busy that is.”

 

He gestured around as if to say ‘what does it look like to you?’

 

Elias scooted over to make room for Sana as she sat down on the bed beside him.

 

“I thought you were supposed to film a new Hei Briskeby video today. Eid Special?”

 

“Yeah, but Mutta told us he has a date for the evening and wouldn’t reveal the name even though we all know who his mystery girl is. Mikael and Adam are both not responding to the group texts and basically disappeared off the radar. Even was the only one available and we can’t really do an Eid special with just me and Even now can we?”

 

“I suppose not.”

 

Neither sibling said anything for the next few moments. Sana looked around his room, the walls colored the same blue as hers but adorned with different posters. Gym clothes strewn around here and there while his favorite CDs sat neatly on the desk beside his bed.

 

When it became evident that he wouldn’t break the silence, she looked him in the eye and said, “What’s going on Elias?”

 

He could’ve acted oblivious a little longer, he could’ve pretended he didn’t know what she meant. But ever since that day at Noora’s house, he knew this was coming.

 

“I’m not sure Sana.”

 

She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Okay then, let’s start with the small things. When did it start?”

 

“During Russebuss time. That was the first time. And I felt so sick afterwards, physically and mentally. To be honest I didn’t even like it, but it made me forget for a second. Forget all the looks, all the comments and all the guilt I always carried around with me. And then, I don’t even know how, it became a pattern.”

 

He paused and leaned back against the headboard.  Closing his eyes, he continued, “The numbness provides a wonderful escape. I don’t even know what’s the actual reason behind my sadness, maybe it’s the fact that I can’t find a decent job, maybe it’s this constant pressure to conform, maybe it’s that one time I got a red card.” He laughed morbidly, trying to add some ill timed humor so Sana wouldn’t actually notice how fragile he felt.

 

“Depression doesn’t always need a ‘reason’ Elias. It’s not something you need to justify or something you should be ashamed of. It’s not your fault if you feel sad.” She reached forward and took his hand. “But you have to know, that this is not the way to deal with it. This temporary fix will only lead to more permanent problems later.”

 

Elias held on tightly to her hand and nodded. “I know. I know it’s not and I hate it every time I cave in. I don’t want to do it Sana.”

 

Somehow he felt relieved and heavy at the same time. There was something about baring your soul to a loved one that was so difficult yet so necessary.

 

“And I’m here to stand by you through this. To make sure you get the help you need. Me, Mutta, Adam, Mikael, and Yousef.”

 

The way she said the last name made Elias quirk his brows. “ _Yousef._ Did he put you up to this by any chance?”

 

Sana just smiled and said, “Just know this. You are not alone. And when you’re sad, I’m sad.”

 

That pulled a grin out of Elias and his dimples popped up. “Quoting the best huh?”

 

Now there was her cocky brother. She wrapped her arms around him and held him for a long while, trying to convey all her emotions through the hug.

 

He had a long way to go, but at least it was a start.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**


	5. Bare Your Soul

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

About a minute after he said he said he was free, Adam FaceTimed him. He clicked the green button and a grainy image of his friend's face filled his screen due to the signal being terrible in his room.

 

“Halla!” Adam said but Yousef could barely hear him, just see the motion of his mouth.

 

He held up a finger to tell him to wait while he went to the balcony. The fresh air combined with the gorgeous view of the sky as sunset came closer instantly brightened his mood. Also now he could actually see and hear him.

 

“So what were you doing?”

 

“Oh just texting Sana.”

 

Adam smirked. “Of course.”

 

Yousef rolled his eyes. “It’s not what you think. Anyway forget me, what did you have to talk about? Is Mikael okay?”

 

The smile was replaced by a frown at the mention of his name. Adam opened his mouth, hesitated, then closed it again and looked down.

 

“You know when you said you wanted to talk I thought actual words would be exchanged but we can continue this mime game if you want-“

 

“I like Mikael.” He blurted out and then immediately averted his gaze again.

 

Yousef blinked, then nodded casually. “Okay.”

 

Adam made an incredulous face. “Okay?! That’s all you have to say?! I tell you that I have feelings for-“

 

“Adam. Bro. We all know you and Mikael like each other. More than just ‘like’ actually. You’ve been dancing around one another for so long now we were close to placing bets on when one of you would crack.”

 

His friend looked like he had stopped functioning. “You what?” Ah….how….when-“

 

“You two aren’t exactly subtle you know. You may think you are, and maybe you don’t notice it but it’s clear as day to everyone else around you. The looks, the lingering touches, how any time one of you flirt with anyone else the other literally turns green with envy. Should I go on?”

 

Adam shook his head and laughed to himself. “No, I got the point. But to be honest to me it sounds like you’re describing you and Sana.”

 

“Hah! Even Sana noticed you know.”

 

“No way! Really?”

 

Yousef nodded.

 

“Wow. I guess I shouldn’t be all that surprised.”

 

“So what’s the problem?”

 

His expression darkened again. “The problem is that…I don’t know if we’re ready to take that leap. The problem is that we got into an argument at the pre-Eid party because apparently Mikael thought I was flirting with one of those 99 girls and he said he was just trying to warn me about falling for the wrong person when it was clear as day that he was jealous. And then I got mad cause he just wouldn’t admit it and at one point I just wanted to grab him and kiss him to shut him up but all I ended up doing was getting more defensive and now we haven’t talked for a day. He didn’t even respond to my apology text even though he read it.”

 

Oh. Being left on read, something he had a lot of experience with. Brushing aside his stray thoughts, Yousef said, “Look, it’s obvious that he’s hurting. Don’t take his silence to heart. You need to be the one to break through that barrier, because we both know Mikael won’t do it. He’s a man of few words and when he loves he loves with his whole heart, but he’s just as scared as you. This will affect your friendship, it will change the whole dynamic and also you’re both unsure about the other’s feelings even though it’s so freaking obvious. One of you needs to step up and just say it out loud.”

 

“It’s not that easy Yousef.”

 

_Tell me about it._

“Who said it was supposed to be?”

 

Adam rubbed his face and sighed. “This is why I turned to you, cause I knew you’d come up with all this philosophical shit and give me good advice that I will eventually end up ignoring.”

 

He brought the phone close to his face and said as seriously as he could, “Don’t. Don’t ignore it, don’t just let this opportunity pass by as well. Don’t think sweeping it under the rug means this feeling will go away when every single day you have to be around Mikael, see him and laugh at his terrible puns and send each other late night texts. Listen to me, for the love of all that is holy, just go knock on his door and bare your soul.”

 

Holding up his hands in surrender Adam said, “Okay, okay Dr. Love. I will. Only if you promise to do the same with Sana.”

 

“That’s a nice thought Adam but it’s a little difficult for me to stand outside her window and confess my feelings when you know….it's geographically impossible right now.”

 

“You know what I mean, have you told her you ‘like’ her?” Adam said as if ‘like’ was the most understated word of the year. To be honest it was, in both their cases.

 

“Once I get back.” Yousef said with uncertainty.

 

Adam groaned. “So what’s holding you back?”

 

Shrugging his shoulders, he replied, “You already know.” Their reasons were similar but in his case, he didn’t know how he would handle an outright rejection from Sana. For now, as they too danced around one another and had conversations layered with subtext, it still felt safe and hopeful. But once it all out and there was no taking it back, what if it was too much and she backed away? He didn’t want to deal with that, didn’t even want think about that.

 

Maybe he shouldn’t push Adam too much then, what if a rejection crushed him too? But he and Mikael were so meant to be, it was only a matter of time. He knew their story wouldn’t end in heartbreak.

 

And it looked like Adam did too. Because with a look of determination he said, “Okay, I’m doing it. I’m going to his house right now. And even if it all goes to hell, at least I can say I tried.”

 

“Exactly. At least you tried.”

 

“Hope you’ll be able to say the same once you come back too.”

 

Yousef smiled. “Yeah. Unless she gets with Stephen Curry over the summer.”

 

Adam raised his eyebrows. “What?”

 

“It’s a long story.”

 

“No offense bro but sometimes I feel like straight romance is so weird, I just don’t get it.”

 

“Shut up and go get your man!” he yelled affectionately as Adam laughed and said goodbye.

 

Yousef stayed and watched the sky turn from a reddish gold to a dusky purple as the sun set, and hoped that tonight, a new pair of soul mates will find each other and realize that all along, they were meant to be.


	6. Long Summer

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_As-salaamu 'alaykum wa rahmat-Allah_

_As-salaamu 'alaykum wa rahmat-Allah_

_May the peace and mercy of Allah be with_ _you_.

 

Sana recited as she turned to left shoulder and finished her Asr salah.

 

These days her mind didn’t wander as much when she prayed. The occasional stray thought snuck in from time to time, but she was able to concentrate and focus unlike the past few months.

 

She had also decided to take some time to sit and make Dua after every Salah. Before she used to rush off as soon as she finished, but in Ramadan, she had developed the habit of sitting on her prayer rug, closing her eyes and raising her hands to supplicate. For all the people she cared about, for all the bad thoughts troubling her mind, for everything she was grateful for.

 

So even though her friends were waiting for her in her room, she took her time and poured her heart out to her Creator, knowing it would feel lighter once she was done.

 

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 

She walked into her room and smiled at the sight that greeted her. Eva, Noora, Vilde and Chris, lying on her bed and chatting, comfortable in her home. It made her so happy that now she was at a stage where she didn’t feel like she needed to separate these two parts of her life. Her friends were welcome to hang out at her house just like Elias’ pals.

 

As she went to sit with them, Noora looked up and said, “Done praying?”

 

She nodded.

 

“So, you have to do it five times everyday, and on these times too, not later or before?” Eva asked.

 

“Hmm hm. Unless I’m on my period.”

 

“So how did you used to do it when we hung out for hours, or had parties?” Vilde inquired, with genuine curiosity and no undercurrent of thinly veiled disdain.

 

“I usually try to find a room, pray as fast as I can and then come back. Remember how when we lived in Chris’ grandma’s cabin for Easter and I wanted to go to the attic? Yeah that’s where I prayed.”

 

“ _That’s_ why you kept going up to the attic? To pray? Boy I had some very different answers in my mind.” Vilde said.

 

Sana smirked, thinking of all the ludicrous explanations Vilde’s wild imagination had conjured, certain that at least half of them had to do with ghosts or spirits from a past life.

 

“Sooo, why did you never tell us about this important daily ritual? We would’ve made space and time for you.” Noora said softly.

 

Sana looked away and sighed. She could provide a flippant one-line reply like all the other times or maybe for once she could actually try and tell her friends what she really felt.

 

“For many reasons, not just one. I…I guess I didn’t want to drive home the fact that I’m so different any more than the hijab already did. It may sound ridiculous to you or you guys may even feel offended, but sometimes, I felt like such an outsider even as I sat and ate and partied with you all. Even as days turned into months and months turned into years and our friendship became more firm with time, I kept essential parts of myself hidden because I thought if I revealed too much you might abandon me.”

 

She paused to take a breath and caught Vilde’s eye. There were tears in them and she could see what she said resonated deeply with her.

 

“I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that way Sana.” Vilde said with a heavy voice, fighting the lump in her throat. “I know I’ve said and done things in the past that have been unkind and I know it’s no excuse for my ignorance, but believe me my intention was not to be cruel.”

 

Sana reached forward and squeezed Vilde’s hand. “I know.”

 

“Sometimes, stress from other things, led me to act a certain way that I’m not proud of, but again it’s no excuse and I promise it won’t happen again.” Vilde assured her.

 

Sana hugged Vilde and then Eva, Noora and Chris joined in.

 

“We’re all sorry Sana.” Chris said. “But you know, from now on, you can tell us things right? Even difficult things? Cause that’s good friends do, have each other’s back during the tough times. That’s what we’re here for.”

 

“Of course Chris. And you’ve always had my back.” She said with a big smile.

 

“Well, obviously. Being your friend has blessed me in many ways too. If it wasn’t for you, I would’ve never met my gorgeous hunk.”

 

Eva rolled her eyes. “Is that what you’re calling Mutta now?”

 

Vilde clapped her hands. “Oooh tell us more! Did you guys have sex already?”

 

Chris blushed. “Neeiii, not yet. We’re taking things slow.”

 

Vilde mock gasped. “Chris Berg? Taking things slow? Never thought I’d live to see this day.”

 

“Well to be fair, I was ready to jump his bones. But Mutasim, he’s such a sweet boy. After we kissed at Eva’s birthday party, he said he’d like to go on a proper date and get to know me more. Find out about my hobbies, favorite food, what kind of music I listen to. And ever since, we’ve been texting a lot and just, hanging out whenever we’re free. And yes I sometimes wanna rip the clothes off his toned body but for the first time it feels like I’m in a relationship that’s not purely physical. And I….like it. Quite a bit.”

 

Noora smiled. “Good for you.”

 

Chris winked. “Don’t get me wrong though the makeout sessions still have me seeing stars.”

 

“Then I bet your first time together will have you hallucinating the whole galaxy.” Vilde joked and all the girls laughed except Chris who nodded sagely as though it might be a real possibility.

 

The rest of the day passed by playing board games, sharing ghost stories and eating her mother's delicious harira soup and then chebakia for dessert. Sana was glad she had plenty of free time during the long summer to invite her friends over whenever she felt like it.


	7. Anneh

_  
_ _**Hei Briskeby Boys** _

_Elias: Can we FaceTime with you while doing the Eid Special?_

_Yousef: You didn’t film it yet?_

_Adam: Nah it got postponed, we’re doing it tomorrow._

_Mikael: Besides it’ll be better with you in it Yousef!_

_Elias: Look who’s back from the dead. Nice to see you both actually write something instead of quietly ghosting the gc_

_Even: Leave them alone Elias_

_Mutta: I’m back too! :D_

_Elias: Great, now that all the lovestruck boys are gathered here, what do say?_

_Yousef: I’m down! Just can we do it late at night? Otherwise while I’m on FaceTime some of my younger cousins could come and interrupt me since they LOVE doing that_

_Elias: Oh yeah Sana told me about how she spent a good half hour talking to little Amena yesterday before you grabbed the phone out of her hand and shooed her away :P_

_Honestly Yousef I thought you **liked** kids_

_Even: SMH_

_Mikael: It’s okay, even if they do I can edit it out : )_

_Yousef: Oh yeah? Like how you edited out the part where I received Sana’s call in the Ramadan special? -__-_

_Mikael: Oops_

_Elias: Sana couldn’t stop laughing when she saw that_

_Adam: Oh Yousef…._

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Even**

_Even: Okay this is just the first draft, tell me what you think. I got the pictures from Elias and I did the intro and attached Isak’s part but of course it doesn’t have to be in that order, it can start with one of her female friends. Btw, the song choice was perfect._

 

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

With a thrill of anticipation Yousef clicked open the video Even had sent him. He heard drums and then MKTO’s “Classic” started playing as the title “For The Girl Who Couldn’t Peel Carrots”

came up on the screen.

 

Then it was a montage of solo pictures of Sana from age 2 to 17 as the lyrics played:  Ooo girl you're shining, Like a 5th Avenue diamond, And they don't make you like they used to, You're never going out of style, Ooo pretty baby, This world might have gone crazy. The way you saved me, who could blame me, When I just wanna make you smile.

 

Just as that line ended, the music faded to the background as a picture of Isak and Sana came up on screen with the caption “Biology Buds”. A few seconds later that zoomed away to show Isak sitting in a classroom in Nissen, with a cup of tea in his hand as he began his speech: “BEST BUD! Where do I even start, I have so much to say….”

 

Yousef’s smile grew wider as he listened to everything Isak had to say about Sana, about how much she had taught him and all the different way she had touched his life and how their friendship had evolved over time. Yousef shook his head and paused the video, wondering how he would make the rest of it if he got so emotional over the very first speech.

 

How would he even summarize what Sana meant to him without rambling on for hours?

 

He picked his phone and texted Even.  


_Yousef: Thank you soooo much!!! I love it so far!_

_Even: My pleasure. Also about the locations, when you said you wanted each person to be at a location with significance behind it, I thought it’d be best if Isak filmed his part in the classroom where they first began talking : )_

_Yousef: Yes that’s perfect. For real thank you so much Even, I love the intro and all the pictures you used. I’ll do the rest from here on out_

_Even: No problem. I would still love to help whenever you need me. Btw, where will you film your part?_

_Yousef: Oh I have a few places in mind…._

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Adam had just sent a picture of him and Mikael. He had his arm wrapped around his shoulder and Mikael was planting a big kiss on his cheek.

 

Yousef wasn’t surprised. He knew Adam and Mikael would work it out. He simply replied with a heart emoji.

 

Adam wrote back: Your turn coming soon.

 

_I hope so._

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

He frowned at his phone.

Usually she didn’t take so long to pick up when he FaceTimed her during the evening. They talked daily at this time, in fact if he recalled correctly they hadn’t missed a day this entire week. It had become habit. Maybe she was away from her phone or-

 

She picked up. But instead of seeing her beautiful face all he saw was the ceiling of her room.

 

“Halla.” A hoarse voice called out.

 

“Sana?”

 

She coughed. “Yeah?”

 

“Where are you?”

 

He heard some shuffling as she moved around, and then a few deep sighs before she turned her phone and brought the camera up to her face.

 

Puffy eyes, red nose, and cracked lips that formed into a cute little pout. “Well I didn’t want you to see me like this but now that you have, welcome to my swamp.” She sneezed twice before she could continue, “If you couldn’t tell, I have the flu.”

 

“Ohhhhh.” She looked so miserable he wished he could reach through the screen to hold her.

 

“I was fine yesterday and this morning I woke up with this awful headache and fever and it’s just been getting worse as the day goes on.” She sniffled. “I could really use some of your infamous carrot soup now.”

 

“There’s a whole pot waiting in the kitchen. If only I was there…”

 

“No I’m glad you’re not. I look worse in person and it’s also contagious-“

 

“Sana! You look fine. Seriously, you should’ve seen me when I got the flu last year. I was a blubbering mess. You look positively angelic compared to me.” She might not believe him but he meant every word. Yousef honestly didn’t think Sana could ever look bad to him even if she tried. And, though he would never say this to her, but he found her broken voice kind of sexy.

 

Sana rolled her eyes. “Angelic? Tell that to Elias, I believe the word he used was nightmarish.”

 

“Oh what does he know? And the last time he got sick I think we made some ‘spot the difference’ meme pictures between him and Shrek and we legit couldn’t tell them apart.”

 

Sana began to laugh which then turned into a coughing fit.

 

“Pray for me.” She said offhandedly. A moment later she realized and her mouth formed a little O.

 

“I didn’t mean that I’m sorry I’m just used to-“

 

“Sana. It’s okay, relax. You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me whenever it comes to-“

 

“Yes I know I just didn’t want to offend you-“

 

“You didn’t.”

 

A few seconds of silence before she broke it with a, “Oh okay. Cool.”

 

“Cool.”

 

“In other news, Ahmed is coming back tonight! He’ll stay till Eid ul Adha.” she said excitedly.

 

“That’s great Sana!”

 

“Yes, Baba and Elias will go pick him up later. I wish I could go too but not in this state.” She sneezed as if to emphasize the point.

 

“Hopefully you’ll be there when I get back.” He joked.

 

She raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to?”

 

“Oh no, not if it troubles you I just…”

 

“I was planning on doing it anyway.” she said softly.

 

Yousef smiled. “Really?”

 

She nodded. “It was going to be a surprise but you made me spoil it so not anymore I guess.”

 

He was about to reply when he heard Mrs. Bakkoush’s voice. Sana sighed. “It’s time to take my medicine and drink a disgusting juice that my mother says should fix me up in no time. Goodbye Yousef.”

 

“Goodbye Sana.”

 

Just as he hung up he heard a knock on his door. His mother came in and gave him a knowing look.

 

“Sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt your talk with your girlfriend.”

 

Yousef rolled his eyes. “Haha very funny Anneh*. You know Sana’s not my girlfriend.”

 

She smirked. “She might as well be with the way you two talk.”

 

“I wish it was that easy.”

 

“Yes, yes I’m sure teenage love with all its complexities must be tiring. I’m just here to tell you dinner’s ready. Also Iqbal will be here shortly to join us tonight and he said he wants to talk about going to Ankara tomorrow if you’re up for it.”

 

Yousef sat up. “Sure! I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

 

As she was about to leave he called out, “Anneh! Can I ask you something?”

 

She came back into his room and closed the door behind her.

 

“Yes?”

 

“You know, you know how I feel about religion and God and everything related to that right?”

 

She sat down beside him and took his hand. “Yes I do.”

 

Yousef bit his lip and hesitated for a few seconds before asking, “So, did you ever feel like that?”

 

“Where is this coming from?”

 

He shook his head. “Just curious.”

 

His mother nodded. “Yes, I have. I think everyone does, to certain levels.” She looked at him and smiled. “Some more than others.”

 

“So, how did you come back? How did you reconcile your faith and your doubts?”

 

“Well, for me I think having such deep, personal struggles and questions with your system of faith, just illustrates the depth and extent of your belief. Every time I doubted I went back to the source and found my peace. And you know, you can’t find all the answers in one day, you can’t wake up and expect that everything will make sense and it’ll be crystal clear. That’s not how life works Yousefğim.”

 

“I know.”

 

She cupped his face and said, “I hope you also know that I support you no matter what.”

 

He placed his hand above her own and then brought it to his lips. “Yes Anneh, I know.” He said as he kissed her palm. She was the only one who knew about his struggles, he hadn’t told his father or anyone else from his family yet. And like always, she had been the pillar of support he needed the most.

 

His mother stood up. “Good. Now get up and come downstairs with me.”

 

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

 

As she left the room, he laid back down on his bed and closed his eyes. For a second he tried to tune out his surroundings, all the noise around him and all the other thoughts in his head. Like he used to do before in Salah.

 

When he felt he was ready, he whispered a prayer for Sana.

 

أَذْهِبِ الْبَأْسَ رَبَّ النَّاسِ وَاشْفِ أَنْتَ الشَّافِي لَا

 

_Lord of the people. Remove the illness, cure the disease. You are the One Who cures._

And for the first time in a long time, the familiar words felt right as they rolled off his tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anneh* = Mom in Turkish
> 
> Yousefğim = A term of endearment/diminutive suffix added to the name to show love, such as Ali - Aliciğim or Ayşe - Ayşeciğim, just like in Spanish it's Juan - Juanito or Teresa - Teresita.
> 
> Also it's always been my personal headcannon that Yousef has a really close relationship with his mom and she was the one with whom he shared all this troubles. And that he's avoided telling anyone else because it's not an easy topic to talk about, he's not sure of so many things himself. Even though we've never seen her and have heard of her only once in the show, I kinda love Mama Acar and have this wonderful picture of her in my head, and also believe she's the reason Yousef is so sweet. She raised him right <3


	8. Fly Higher

He had to leave a week earlier than his family because his supervisor at the kindergarten had asked him to return two days before the school year began. His parents and siblings would stay in Turkey till August. He got his luggage and made his way out of the terminal.

 

Yousef heard them before he saw them. He was checking his phone as he walked near the arrivals gate and that’s when the cheers erupted. He looked up to see his squad standing there proudly with two huge “welcome back” signs and over a dozen colorful balloons, because of course, why wouldn’t they bring the balloons. It was a tradition for them. He didn’t remember exactly when was the first time but he guessed it was back in sixth grade when Adam had to stay at the hospital overnight and they all went to visit him with like thirty balloons the next day. Since then, any small occasion, they had to be extra and include those balloons.

 

Elias, Adam, Mikael, Mutta and Even all enveloped him in a tight group hug, and he felt at home. Gosh he didn’t realize just how much he had missed his boys. But as they let go, his eyes couldn’t help but wander, searching for the one person he had missed the most.

 

“Sorry bro, she couldn’t make it. We have some guests over at the house and Mama needed her there.” Elias said.

 

Yousef deflated, but still managed to pull a weak smile. “Oh it’s fine.”

 

“Sure jan.” Adam smirked as they made their way out of the airport.

 

Yousef scoffed at him. “Don’t use dead 2016 memes on me. You can do better than that.”

 

“Much better, such wow.” Mikael added with a wink and Yousef was about to say that no wonder they’re dating since their meme game was equally weak but the retort died on his lips as he saw who was waiting for him beside Mutta’s family van.

 

Sana was wearing a bright yellow hijab and a long white summer dress. She was holding a heart shaped red balloon and she slowly walked forward and handed it to a dumbstruck Yousef.

 

“Guess I managed to surprise you after all.” She said softly.

 

Seeing her after so long felt surreal to say the least. She was so _beautiful._ Especially with that yellow scarf and that big wonderful smile on her face and oh, she was doing that thing she did when she felt shy where she poked out the tip of her tongue for a few seconds and then quickly closed her mouth afterwards.

 

Yousef realized he had to reply but he was having trouble forming words with her standing so close after weeks of only seeing her lovely face on his phone screen.

 

Even cleared his throat. “This is the part where you say, “Hi Sana.”

 

He snapped out of it. “Would you give us some space?” he said and all the boys rolled their eyes but moved away. Elias said something along the lines of ‘arm length distance’ bro but honestly Yousef had tuned out all his surroundings.

 

“Halla.” He said a little breathlessly.

 

“Halla.” She said, equally excited.

 

They were both smiling so much it was ridiculous.

 

“So, let me guess. You staying back and the red balloon was Elias’s idea?”

 

“Well, the staying back part was mine. But the heart shaped balloon, it was Adam actually.”

 

Yousef turned around to see Adam giving him two thumbs up and he narrowed his eyes. He better be careful, or that boy will be out there telling everyone he loves Sana before he actually had a chance to tell Sana himself.

 

“I’m really happy you came. I missed you so much.” he said.

 

“Me too.” she replied before stepping forward and wrapping her arms around him. In his rush to hug her back he accidentally let go of his balloon. But Yousef didn’t care, for the next moment he was lost in her embrace, the floral scent of her perfume and the soft feel of her body perfectly fitting against his making him not give a damn about anything else in the world. If he could just stay here, he’d be content.

 

The balloon flew higher and higher, until it was nothing but a tiny red speck in the sky.

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's back and I'm really glad I can write them being in the same country again! <3


	9. Better Kept Untold

They rang the bell and Ahmed opened the door. As soon as he saw Yousef he smiled and gave him a big hug.

 

“Yousef! It’s so good to see you finally!”

 

“You too Ahmed. Wow it’s been a while, almost a year? The beard suits you by the way.”

 

“Really? I thought it didn’t but Jamilla likes it so it’s gonna stay.”

 

Mr. Bakkoush came up behind his son and said, “Okay would you let him in already instead of standing and talking at the doorway? The boy just came from a long journey and must be so tired.”

 

“Sorry, sorry.” Ahmed said as he moved out of the way and let the boys and Sana in.

 

The smell of fresh steamed couscous and shakshouka wafted over from the kitchen and Elias rubbed his hands together with a look of pure joy on his face.

 

“Just in time for lunch.”

 

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Yousef and Sana could barely manage to keep their eyes away from each other at the table. Sitting across one another had not been a good idea. In between stolen glances and awkward pauses when they had to ask others to repeat a question they had just been asked because they were too busy staring and smiling at each other, it had been an _interesting_ lunch to say the least.

 

Not to mention the time Yousef and Sana had reached for the pepper at the same time and they had the whole “no you take it, no you first I insist” conversation until Elias rolled his eyes and grabbed it himself and aggressively poured a large amount of pepper on both their meals.

 

Yousef helped Elias and Sana gather the plates. They took them to the kitchen where Mrs. Bakkoush was washing the pots and pans. Elias and Sana deposited their plates on the sink and gave their mom a smile as they walked away. Yousef put his ones down beside theirs and turned on the second tap and began washing them.

 

“Oh you don’t have to do that every time Yousef. Other days I let you but today you just had a long tiresome journey, go relax with everyone else.” She said as she turned off her water and reached forward to take the sponge out of his hand.

 

“Khala, I already told you, I don’t mind.” He said with an easy smile as he continued washing.

 

Mrs. Bakkoush looked like she wanted to protest a bit more but she knew Yousef would end up staying either way. So she returned his smile and said, “Thank you.”

 

They worked quietly for some time, the sound of the running water and methodical scrub against the plates filling the silence.

 

After she was done with her share, Mrs. Bakkoush turned off the tap and turned to him.

 

“How was Turkey?”

 

He paused. “Oh it was wonderful as always Khala. But I missed everyone here a lot so I’m happy to be back.”

 

She nodded. “Everyone here missed you a lot too.” She said with a meaningful tilt of her head.

 

Yousef felt himself turning red under the scrutiny of her gaze and cursed himself. He should say something in reply, a random anecdote about Turkey to steer the subject in a different direction, anything to make Mrs. Bakkoush stop looking at him like he had grown two heads.

 

He opened his mouth the exact moment she said, “Yousef-I”, then stopped when she saw he was about to say something but he shut it and motioned for her to continue.

 

After another unbearably long pause, she began, “I know you care a lot about both Elias and Sana. And recently I’ve been informed that I am guilty of misplaced blame when it comes to you.”

 

Yousef dipped his head. Sana had told him a few days ago that both siblings had come clean to their mom, and after initial disappointment and hurt, they had had a much needed talk about how both of them had reached that point.

 

“I know I shouldn’t have lied. I was only trying to protect them.” He said bashfully.

 

She placed a hand on his arm. “I know. I don’t want you to think I’m angry or hurt by you in any way. In fact, I am thankful, that both my children have you as a friend. Someone who loves them and cares for them so much. And because you care about them so much, you would never want to hurt them, even accidentally, right?”

 

His heart grew heavy at that. He knew the one she really meant. “No Khala, I would never do anything to hurt them.” He took a deep breath and added. “To hurt her.”

 

Mrs. Bakkoush managed a smile at that. “It’s just, after everything that she’s been through, she’s finally in a happy place right now. And I want it to stay like that.”

 

“So do I Khala.”

 

She patted his arm. “That’s all I needed to hear.”

 

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 

When Yousef joined them back in the living room, Sana and Ahmed weren’t there anymore. He sat down on the couch beside his squad and said, “Oh look, all six of us comfortably fitting in this couch. I’m glad I left the bigger one I bought in Turkey. Shipping costs are insane.”

 

“That’s only cause Mikael is almost sitting on my lap Yousef.” Adam complained.

 

 “I thought you didn’t mind.” Mikael said with a wink.

 

Elias groaned. “These two have gotten so unbearable since they started dating.”

 

“It’s unbearable to you because now you’re the only single one out of all us.” Even pointed out.

 

“Uh halloo. I beg to differ. My buddy Yousef is back and he can join me in my ‘forever single’ club.” Elias said as he put his arm around Yousef’s shoulder.

 

The rest of the boys grinned. “Not for long.” They all said in unison.

 

Yousef shook his head. “Yeah, sure.”

 

Mikael raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you lost your game in Turkey.”

 

“It’s not like he had much to begin with.” Adam said and then high fived Mikael.

 

“Oh yeah? Says the guy who came to _me_ for advice?” Yousef threw back.

 

Elias rubbed his shoulder. “Don’t worry. Now that you’re back, everything will work out fine between you two. As long as you maintain that arm length distance.” He warned half heartedly but it only made Yousef smile. Mrs. Bakkoush’s talk hadn’t inspired much hope in him but Elias always found a way to cheer him up.

 

“Tell you what, why don’t you stay over tonight? Nobody is at your place anyway, and you can just crash in my room.”

 

“You sure? I don’t want to be a both-“

 

“Oh shut up. It’s no trouble.”

 

“Okay. I’ll just grab my suitcase from the van. Besides, I have a few gifts to give as well.”

 

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

He found her in the backyard, slowly dribbling the ball but not aiming for a shot.

 

“Can I join you?”

 

She turned around and smiled when she saw him.

 

“Finally escaped the boys?”

 

“If you would’ve asked I would’ve come sooner.” He said as he moved closer and tried to steal her ball. But she was faster this time and swerved out of his way.

 

“What’s in your backpack? More carrot soup?” she asked before she turned around and easily made the shot.

 

 “No, something much better.” He said as he took out the box of Turkish delight.

 

Sana’s face lit up when she saw it. She threw her ball away. “I _love_ these.”

 

“I remember.” He said as he moved to sit on one of the swings. Sana took the box from him and sat on the other swing.

 

“From when?” she asked as she opened the box and debated which one she should eat first.

 

“Oh summer of 2015, when my mother bought some for you and Elias. Yeah he complained how you finished it in two days and he barely got to have any.”

 

“And you remember that?” Sana said, half amused, half pleased.

 

He looked down at his shoes. “Yeah. I remember most things.” _About you._

She finally settled on the strawberry one and popped it in her mouth. “Mmmmmh.”

 

He watched her enjoy the different flavors for a while before he pulled out his other gift. “Now you might not like this as much as the Turkish delight, but I saw these in a bazaar and thought of you.”

 

He handed her the three hijabs he had bought for her.

 

“Oh! They’re all so pretty!” she said as she set aside her favorite dessert and spread out the hijabs on her lap.

 

“I know you usually prefer black but I just thought these colors would suit you a lot but of course if you don’t-“

 

She placed her hand on his and said, “I love them. Thank you.”

 

He wound their fingers together and held on tightly. “I’m really glad you do. Your welcome.”

 

After a few seconds he looked up with a cheeky expression and said, “After all, I had to get you something because who knows what Stephen sent you over the summer.”

 

Sana laughed. “You’re funny when you’re jealous you know.”

 

Yousef scoffed. “He’s a big man. Of course I’m jealous.”

 

“Well it’s your turn now because after Noo-“ she suddenly stopped and bit her tongue. She mentally berated herself, why did she have to bring that up now?

 

With wide eyes he asked, “After what?”

 

She could salvage this, make up some stupid excuse. But when she looked at him, at his face full of anxiety, she knew that they needed to get this out of their system. She slowly let go of his hand and took a deep breath.

 

“After Noora.”

 

“Sana you know there’s nothing between-“

 

“I know. But I saw you two kissing at SYNG.”

 

His mouth fell open. “You did?”

 

Sana winced as the memories from that horrible day came rushing back. “Unfortunately, yes.”

 

If he was anxious before, now he looked positively dreadful, like his worst nightmare had come true. “Sana I can explain. It was a big mistake, the stupidest thing I ever did. She started the kiss but I went along with it and I know that was wrong, but I felt so hopeless in that moment. But later I realized, and to this day I regret it so much.”

 

She knew all this, knew that he truly meant it, but now that those old hurt feelings were crawling back into her chest, she couldn't help but ask in a bitter tone, “Were you ever going to tell me?”

 

He hesitated. “I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not. I didn’t know how or when to tell you. When is it ever a good time to bring up a subject like this?”

 

She sighed, not really knowing what to say to that. He was right, on a happy day it would just ruin the mood, kind of like right now.

 

He tentatively reached forward and took her hand again. “I’m sorry. I really am. I’m sure it must’ve hurt you when you saw that, but I was so hopeless in the moment and you do stupid things when you’re hopeless so I just…” he trailed off, trying to gauge her reaction but her face was blank.

 

After some time, she held his hand again and said, “I know. I’m sorry for blocking you too. But after we had that amazing date on Friday, it just felt like a punch in the gut to see you kissing her.”

 

Yousef blanched at that. “I should’ve talked to you instead of jumping to conclusions. It’s one of my biggest flaws.”

 

She chuckled. “That makes two of us. I should’ve talked to you too instead of making assumptions and being miserable for the next two weeks.”

 

He rubbed his face with his free hand. “Oh what you must’ve thought of me, no wonder you looked so upset.”

 

“I wanted to be so angry at you. When I came home I saw your flowers in my room and I picked them up to throw them in the trash. But I couldn’t. My hand hovered over the bin and I willed myself to just get rid of them, but even that simple act, throwing away a reminder from that day, I couldn’t.”

 

“Why?” he whispered, rubbing soothing circles over her wrist with this thumb.

 

She answered softly, “You know why Yousef.”

 

His eyes softened with affection and guilt. “I’m so sorry I ever made you feel that way. I promise it will never happen again.”

 

She nodded. “I know, otherwise we wouldn’t be sitting here now would we?” She asked with a raise of her eyebrows. “Let’s leave this behind us then?”

 

“Gladly.” He agreed with enthusiasm.

 

They resumed eating the Turkish delight and swung gently back and forth for some time after which he mustered up the courage and said, “You know, speaking of amazing dates, are you free this Friday? Because you know, I’m sure those flowers I gave you are dead by now and that vase is sitting empty and sad, so maybe it’s time to fill them with new ones.”

 

He was so not smooth that she actually found it endearing. “You need to take me on a date to give me flowers? Just bring them here.”

 

He groaned. “Ugh, just play along Sana!”

 

“Okay okay! I’m free this Friday. I’ll meet you wherever you’d like.” She said with a big smile.

 

Yousef grinned at that. “Anywhere without swans.”

 

They spent the rest of the afternoon talking and laughing. She was so happy to have him back, so happy that they were making plans, happy with all the lovely gifts he brought back.  At one point she thought whether she should tell him that his flowers may not be in the vase anymore, but they were pressed between the pages of her journal, where she saw them every time she opened it to write down her thoughts.

 

But she decided that some things are better kept untold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: the date!
> 
> p.s lol I hate turkish delight they taste awful to me :P


	10. Ruh Ikizi

“You sure you’re not scared?” Yousef raised his eyebrows as he dangled the keys of the motorcycle in front of her. “We can take the tram instead it’ll just take longer to get there.”

 

 _There_. Who knows where ‘there’ was? They had decided that since last time she got to pick where they went, this time it would be Yousef’s choice. And Sana was perfectly fine with that but the boy wouldn’t tell her where he intended to take her and everything Sana had guessed so far had been met with a shake of his head and a cheeky smile.

 

“I told you I’m fine. You have a license so I know you can drive it and won’t run into a tree or something. Besides I’ve always wanted to ride a motorcycle.” She said confidently.

 

It was true, she did want to, but none of her brothers or her father knew how to drive one. And once during their family vacation in Morocco when Uncle Abbas offered to take her and Elias for a ride, their mom said no since they were young and she thought it wasn’t safe. So when Yousef asked her if she was okay with a motorcycle ride, she was more than happy to say yes.

 

“Okay then.”

 

Yousef put on his helmet and got on, inserted the key in the ignition and squeezed the clutch lever. Sana put on hers as well and then sat behind him, very aware of how close they were and very glad that he couldn’t see the blush blossoming on her cheeks.

 

She held onto his leather-clad shoulders with both hands and could feel them shaking as he laughed.

 

“Better hold on tighter than that Sana.” He said as he revved the engine.

 

 _Oh all right._ She threw caution to the wind and decided to count to three and wrap her arms around his waist. She felt him stiffen and wondered if his heart was beating as fast as hers.

 

“Is that better?” she tried to ask in a nonchalant tone but wasn’t sure she managed to.

 

“Yeah.” he answered in a hoarse voice before he pressed the start button, and after a few minutes, they zoomed off.

 

He wasn’t kidding about holding on tight, because as Yousef zigzagged his way through the city, she was sure she would’ve fallen off simply by the force of the wind. At the same time, it was exciting too, speeding down the lanes and yelling back replies to Yousef whenever he asked something like “is this too fast” or “are you enjoying your first ride?”

 

When they finally came to a stop she was a little dizzy but feeling quite exhilarated. She let go of him and hopped down with a big grin on her face.

 

He took off his helmet and returned it with a goofy smile of his own. “Fun?”

 

“Super fun!” she exclaimed before she turned around to survey her surroundings.

 

Across the parking lot she finally saw what he had in mind.

 

Sana laughed. “Red Lobster? I hope you’re not expecting me to pay.”

 

He shook his head with a chuckle. “No no don’t you worry, I already sold a kidney for this we’ll be fine.”

 

She giggled as she recalled their first Facebook conversation, it wasn’t all that long ago but some reason it seemed like ages. So much had happened and changed between then and now, and here they were. At Red Freaking Lobster.

 

Pulling a sad face, she said, “But I don’t even like seafood.”

 

He stopped in his tracks. “What? Really? Ugh I’m such an idiot I should’ve asked you I just thought it would be nice to-“

 

“I’m kidding! Haha gotcha!”

 

Yousef exhaled. “Thank goodness, cause the other option nearby is a steak restaurant and we both know they don’t serve halal so I’m relieved.”

 

“Yeah, no worries. It’s perfect.” She said as they entered Red Lobster.

 

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 

“Your parmesan crusted tilapia was so much better than my shrimp ravioli.” He said as they walked through St. Hanshaugen park. They decided to skip dessert in the restaurant and instead grab ice cream from a nearby parlor and then go for a walk through the park right beside it.

 

“Next time you should order that.” She said as she scooped up a spoonful of her mango ice cream.

 

“Next time?” he asked with a smirk.

 

“Uh-“ she hesitated cause that comment had seemed so natural and slipped out, “I just thought-“

 

“Next time we can go to a restaurant of your choice.”

 

Sana gave him a shy smile and absently swirled her spoon around. To be honest, she was a bit scared at how easily she making future plans with him, fitting him into her life and doing something which she’s never done before, going with the flow.

 

She wasn’t like that. She was a planner, an over thinker, someone who liked to have the week, the month, maybe even the year mapped out with room for little alternation only in the case of exceptions.

 

So for her to dedicate so much time to a relationship with such an uncertain future, it was so new. That’s how much she cared for Yousef. It took her by surprise.

 

As they fell into their comfortable silence while they walked around, she stole sideways glances at him. He had a beautiful profile, with his pointed nose, sharp jaw and the few strands of hair that always managed to escape from under his snapback.

 

She wanted him in so many ways, but it was so hard for her to imagine herself settling down with someone who didn’t believe. Thinking about all the things she would have to give up, to compromise such a big part of herself, she wasn’t sure she could do it.

 

Every ritual her parents completed together, every tradition Jamilla and Ahmed took part in, she would have none of that. No pilgrimage to Makkah together, no waking each other up for Fajr, no breaking the fast together, no teaching their kids about Islam together, none of that. He would never raise his hands and pray for her like she did for him.

 

On one hand he was such a good person and with each day it got clearer how compatible they were, but on the other so many of the things she had imagined for her future married life would have to be sacrificed if she got together with him.

 

 _Love is sacrifice, faith is sacrifice._ So where will she find refuge?

 

“Hallooo, earth to Sana, earth to Sana!” he said as he waved a hand in front of her face.

 

Belatedly she realized he was saying something to her and she snapped out of her reverie. Her monologue was getting a bit too dramatic anyway.

 

“I was just saying Elias told me about the job interview he has next week.”

 

They finally found a secluded spot under a tree and sat down and leaned against it.

 

“Yes, I’m glad for that. It’s perfect for him too. An internship at a marketing company is right up his alley, and if he does a good job they might even offer him a full time position. I think the talk with mama helped a lot too. It felt good to come clean, like letting go of a burden and getting a fresh start. For both of us, since I never liked lying to her in the first place and Elias was tired of it too.”

 

Yousef’s expression changed at that. “That’s good. Khala had a talk with me too.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Nothing as monumental as yours. Just some food for thought.”

 

Sana sighed. “I know what that means.”

 

Scooping up the last bit of his banana ice-cream, he said “She was just looking out for you because she loves you.”

 

Sana nodded but said nothing in reply.

 

The sky around them grew darker as dusk approached, changing hues from rosy pink to an evening violet.

 

“You know; I came across an interesting tidbit the other day. Apparently swans only have one partner for their whole life, if their partner dies, they could pass away from a broken heart.”

 

Sana shook her head and smiled. “That’s not actually true you know.  Swans usually mate for life, though "divorce" does sometimes occur, particularly following nesting failure, and if a mate dies, the remaining swan will take up with another.”

 

He groaned. “Ugh Sana. I’m trying, let me be for once! First with the amino acids now with the swans-“

 

“Antibiotic molecules” she corrected with a laugh and in response he plucked some grass and threatened to throw it at her.

 

Raising her hands up, she relented, “Okay, okay. But I guess it would be cool if there was something similar for humans too you know. Something like a-” she took a meaningful pause as they looked at one another, and then said, “soulmate.”

 

He widened his eyes and his face lit up as soon as she said that. “Yes, a soulmate. Do you believe in them too?”

 

Now would be a perfect time to reveal that Noora had shown her the texts and have a good laugh while he blushed and ran his hand through his hair like he usually does when embarrassed.

 

But the earnest look on his face combined with the glow of the sunset surrounding them made her want to let him believe that she too thought of them as soulmates. Even if she didn’t believe in such fairytale concepts.

 

“ I-“ she began when the loud blare of the Azaan rang out. Sana jumped and reached for her phone, wondering why it was ringing because she was certain that she had put it on silent mode. And sure enough, only a notification had popped up telling her it was time for Maghrib.

 

She looked up and watched in utter shock as Yousef set his ringer on silent and turned off the call to prayer.

 

Her jaw fell open.

 

He looked back at her sheepishly and said, “Well I wanted to bring up the topic myself, but now that that happened, I guess it would be a good time to tell you I’ve recently started praying again.”

 

She still can’t believe it. “Since when?”

 

“Since Turkey.”

 

She schooled her expression back into something that didn't look make her look like a startled deer and wondered how she should phrase her next question.

 

But Yousef saved her the trouble. “I don’t really know how to explain it but I’ll try. I re-evaluated a lot of the reasons behind why I felt the need to let go of my faith, even when deep inside I too believe that there must be a higher power at work, that none of this is random. I thought about your words, "you're actually a muslim you just say you're not" a lot as well. I guess just because we’re dealt a bad hand doesn’t mean we have to forsake our beliefs. We can find strength in them instead. Do you understand?”

 

“Better than anyone.” she whispered.

 

All this time, all this worry about their future, and now all of sudden he reveals he’s slowly reconnecting with his faith. Sana wasn’t sure if she wanted to laugh or cry.

 

“You were the first person I prayed for actually.” he said with a soft smile.

 

And that did it. A small tear slipped out and she quickly brushed it away before he could look up and see. “Thank you.”

 

He reached forward and took her hand. “I don’t want to ask too much of you but I hope you’ll help me figure this out. Talking with you about life, religion and the universe always makes everything seem so clear.”

 

She covered his hand with hers. “We can help each other.”

 

He nodded and with a smile he stood up and brought her up too. He used his app to determine the direction of Qiblah and then because he was Yousef, he brought out a small folded musullah from his back-pocket and spread it out.

 

Sana and Yousef prayed side by side and fortunately were able to finish their Salah uninterrupted.

 

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 

As they stood outside her home, they both felt equally giddy and full of anticipation. Everything had changed tonight, and Sana couldn’t stop smiling as she stared at him, dimples popping out and eyes sparkling.

 

“Well, this is goodnight then.”

 

“Goodnight.” She repeated, but made no move to go.

 

They kept staring and slowly moved closer until she was sure she could count every eyelash of his, even under the moonlight.

 

With a deep breath she stood on her tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss on his cheek. Yousef closed his eyes and felt shivers run down his spine.

 

When she stepped back, her cheeks were flushed. “Okay then, goodnight.”

 

He just grinned in that dorky way of his, lost for words just like that other night.

 

She turned and walked away before he pulled her back in with a simple word or glance.

 

Sana Bakkoush didn’t believe in soulmates, but Yousef Acar just might turn out to be hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ruh Ikizi = Soulmates in Turkish 
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this chapter and I hope you enjoy reading it as much! p.s I'm not sure if there even is a Red Lobster in Oslo but let's just pretend there is lol ~


	11. Eid Mubarak!

“Eid Mubarak! Eid Mubarak!”

 

All around him, Yousef heard the greeting as brothers hugged one another after the Eid prayer. Colors filled the prayer hall as they all stood there in their best sherwanis and kurtas, inviting one another to their homes and making promises to stop by later during the day. Surprisingly, his family had managed to catch the first round of Eid prayers for once (he was amazed at how quickly his mother and sister got ready this year) and the mosque was more crowded than usual. One little boy almost tripped as he ran past him and Yousef caught him just in time. The kid gave him a toothy smile and zoomed off again after a quick “Jazakallah!”

 

He decided to go find his friends outside while his father chatted with acquaintances. Yousef walked out into the cool fresh air and took a deep breath.  The sky was clear with no sign of clouds and he hoped it stayed that way for the rest of the day.

 

His breath hitched as he turned around. Across the lot, on the side of the women’s entrance to the mosque, he caught sight of Sana. Leaning against the wall, laughing with her cousins.

 

She was wearing a lavender kaftan, with gold embroidery around the arms and circular patterns at the bottom. She had paired it with the bright purple hijab he had given her. It sparkled in the sunlight as she turned her head and found him staring with a slightly open mouth. She smiled and raised a henna adorned hand to wave at him.

 

Sometimes he couldn’t believe how much had changed in such a short amount of time. Last Eid, he was in Turkey, buying hijabs for her and exchanging texts and missing her so much, because everything had been so uncertain back then and their relationship had been so tentative. Now, around two months later, he’d been on several dates with her and they no longer held back and communicated freely like they should’ve all along.

 

He was about to make his way to her when someone tackled him from behind.

 

“Eid Mubarak!” Elias exclaimed as he hugged him.

 

Soon the others joined him too and Yousef was exchanging hugs and greetings for the next minute or two before he could turn back to see Sana again. But she wasn’t there anymore. Probably went back inside the mosque.

 

“I can’t wait to eat Yenge’s delicious Adana Kebab!” Mutasim said as he patted his belly.

 

Yousef had invited everyone over to his house for Eid-ul-Adha.

 

Adam grinned. “I’m more excited about the Baklava.”

 

Elias elbowed him and said, “Shouldn’t you be cutting down on the sweets bro?”

 

Mikael shoved him in return. “Hey! My boyfriend is fine just the way he is! Also you’re one to talk when you-“

 

Yousef tuned them out as he took his phone and texted Sana.  


_Yousef: You wore my hijab <3_

_Sana: It matched perfectly :)_

_Yousef: You look resplendent. Just like your name._

 

He imagined her eyeroll as he saw his cheesy compliment, but Yousef had never not been _extra_ and couldn’t settle on a simple ‘you look beautiful.’ After all, during their first Facebook conversation he’d messaged her “anything for you girl” and also talked about selling kidneys. That’s just how he rolled.

 

Her reply came in.

_Sana: Thank you._

_Dork._

_ <3_

 

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The Acar household was filled with commotion. In the good way.

 

After the guests had finished eating they had all moved to the living room and formed little circles. The aunties on one side, the uncles on the other and the little kids running in and out of the rooms because for once their parents were too engaged in conversation to monitor them.

 

His squad was upstairs in his room and he’d promised them he’d come along anytime now but if he could just have a moment alone with Sana.

He caught her eye across the room and motioned for her to follow him to the backyard.

 

She excused herself after a while and then stood up.

 

When they were finally alone he gave her a big smile and opened his mouth to speak when Ayesha decided to interrupt them.

 

“Sanaaaaa! Can you please show me how you wear your hijab like that? I tried it but mine doesn’t sit right at all! Not like yours!” His eleven-year-old sister waved around a green scarf with a pleading look on her face.

 

Sana bent down and said with a smile, “Of course I can teach you!” She threw him an apologetic glance over her shoulder as Ayesha grabbed her hand and almost ran off to her room.  

 

He watched them go with a fond expression on his face, so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Mrs. Bakkoush when she came to stand next to him.

 

She lightly tapped him on his shoulder. “A penny for your thoughts?” she said in English and he laughed softly in surprise.

 

“Nothing interesting enough for a penny Khala.” he replied.

 

“Oh I beg to differ.” She teased him and he actually found himself blushing. Why was he so prone to doing that?

 

She patted his shoulder and said, “Don’t worry, she feels the same way.”

 

Now he looked even more surprised. Mrs. Bakkoush was the last person he expected to be having this conversation with. Elias maybe, but certainly not Sana’s mother.

 

She looked down for a few moments before raising her head and giving him a gentle smile. “I may have spoken too soon earlier, and I just want you to know that some time ago Sana told me about this boy she liked and after she described him, I said he sounded perfect for her. And over these past few months, he’s proven me right.”

 

Yousef could only nod in response, too many thoughts swirling through his mind for him to form a coherent reply.

 

They talked for a few more minutes after which his mother came and took Mrs. Bakkoush away, saying she’d been looking for her everywhere and glancing significantly at Yousef before she walked away with her.

 

Sana came back a few minutes after that and found Yousef standing in the same spot she left him with a goofy grin on his face.

 

“What’s the joke?”

 

“You like me.” he said with a happy shrug of his shoulders.

 

She snorted. “Great deduction Sherlock. Big surprise there!”

 

“And you think I’m funny, and smart, and very handsome.” He added with a ridiculous wiggle of his eyebrows.

 

Her cheeks flushed pink. “How do you-“

 

“Khala and I had another talk.”

 

“I see. And what else did she tell you?”

 

“That she thought we were perfect for each other.”

 

“Hmmm.”

 

“Hmmm? That’s all you have to say?”

 

“No. I also want to say, that you’re wrong.”

 

His smile faltered. “What?”

 

She stepped closer and cupped his face. “You’re wrong Yousef Acar. I don’t like you.”

 

Caressing his cheekbone with her thumb, she whispered, “I love you.”

 

He laughed in that incredibly soft way of his and mouthed ‘wooow’ before he rested his forehead against hers. “I love you too Sana Bakkoush.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just one more chapter left! <3


	12. For The Girl Who Couldn't Peel Carrots

**December 20 th 2017**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 

Intricate patterns of ice floated down from the sky, each flake swirling and dancing as Sana tried to catch them in her hands. Yousef watched as the snow kissed her face, captivated by the soft, dusty illusions of light that sat heavy on her dark lashes.

 

Shooting him a mischievous grin, she bent down and scooped up a ball of snow, tossing it his way before he could duck down. It hit him square in the chest and he looked mock offended before making an even bigger ball and aiming it at Sana. She moved out of the way just in time and threw another snowball at him, laughing as he stood there with his hands on his hips.

 

“We’re going to be late for Eva’s Christmas Party!”

 

“Okay, okay. But you have to admit, just like basketball, I can take you down in a snowball fight.” She said with a wink.

 

“Oh! Oh really?” He took a few steps and covered the distance between them. “I was going easy on you but if you wanna go, let’s do this.”

 

For a second they stared one another down, eyes intense but mouth twitching with suppressed smiles. After a moment they both began cracking up and burst into giggles.

 

Yousef pressed his fingers into the dimples on both sides of her cheeks, a habit he’d developed over the past few weeks. He loved softly squishing her cheeks when the dimples popped out, and Sana had acted annoyed at first but he knew secretly she loved it too, because judging by her precious smile right now, she didn’t mind one bit.

 

They held hands as they walked the rest of the way to Eva’s place, with the snow falling all around them and painting the town white.

 

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

As they knocked for the third time, Yousef could barely keep still with all the anticipation bubbling inside him. Sana noticed how he was jumpier than usual and eyed him curiously.

 

They didn’t open after the third knock so Sana rang the doorbell. She could hear running and muffled voices inside so she wondered what the holdup was. Just as she was about to pull out her phone to call one of the girls, the door swung open.

 

“SURPRISE!!” she heard a chorus of voices as confetti exploded all over her. She watched in disbelief as she walked into Eva’s house which was decorated not with Christmas trees and socks on the wall, but instead with a huge “Happy Birthday Sana!” banner and colorful balloons everywhere.

 

Her girls came forward and gave her a tight group hug, babbling all at once so she understood nothing but nodded along with them just the same.

 

Her brother and the rest of his friends came forward as well and began wishing her before Jamilla cut them short by placing a kiss on her cheek and saying, “May Allah bless you with many more wonderful years habibti.”

 

They weren’t even supposed to be here. It was supposed to be a small cozy Christmas party with just the girls and their significant others and now she looked around with glistening eyes and smiled.

 

All the people she loved and cared about, standing in this room. For her.

 

“Thank you.” She said to the girls and they all raised their hands and pointed at Yousef.

 

“It was all his idea.”

 

She looked back at Yousef and he shrugged with a bashful expression on his face.

 

“You’re not the only one good at surprises.”

 

And she broke into peals of laughter, thinking about how well he kept it hidden and she didn’t have the slightest clue whatsoever and how it probably took so much planning and coordination and how she had the sweetest boyfriend ever.

 

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The party was in full swing. Everyone had enjoyed the delicious carrot cake (Yousef’s choice obviously) and were now playing charades.

 

The two best teams were Yousef and Sana and Isak and Even. They just seemed to understand one another as soon as the other started acting.

 

Chris and Mutta spent half the time making eyes and heart shapes at one another so they kept losing but neither looked like they cared much since they were the least competitive of the bunch, next to Adam and Mikael. As long as they got to cuddle with their partners afterwards, they didn’t mind getting the least points.

 

After a few rounds Yousef signaled to Even and he nodded in response.

 

“Ahem. Before we spend the rest of the day trying to figure out whether Adam is trying to mime a dead man or a fish out of water, we have a speech to make. Collectively.”

 

Sana raised an eyebrow. “A collective speech?”

 

“Well not a speech, but rather, a tribute. To you.” Even said as he dimmed the lights and brought out his projector and laptop.

 

He pressed play and stepped back.

 

Sana’s eyes widened as MKTO’s “Classic” started playing and the title “For The Girl Who Couldn’t Peel Carrots” came up on the screen.

 

Then began the montage of her pictures aged 2 to 17 began and a chorus of “awws” went throughout the room as baby Sana appeared.

_“Ooo girl you're shining,_

_Like a 5th Avenue diamond,_

_And they don't make you like they used to,_

_You're never going out of style,_

_Ooo pretty baby,_

_This world might have gone crazy._

_The way you saved me, who could blame me,_

_When I just wanna make you smile”_

 

Just as that line ended, the music faded to the background as a picture of Isak and Sana came up on screen. A few seconds later that zoomed away to show Isak sitting in a classroom in Nissen, with a cup of tea in his hand as he began his speech:

 

“BEST BUD! Where do I even start, I have so much to say! Thank you for all your help in Biology, I managed to get a 6 * cough * 5 only because of you. And I also want to say that, you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, because even after all the bullshit you put up with you’re still shining Sanasol. I’m really glad that fateful day you chose to sit beside me in this very seat and became my biology partner, then friend, and now best bud! Thank you for not only teaching me biology but opening my eyes in so many other ways too. Happy Birthday Sanasol! He said as he raised his cup and finished with a “this one is actually _not_ made of tap water.”

 

Isak faded away to show a picture of Chris and Sana, the one with her yellow hijab. Then Chris appeared on the screen sitting in a classroom as well, where they had taken German together.

 

With a big grin she began, “Speaking of classrooms, this one holds the best memories for me! The moment I saw you I knew we would get along perfectly! You were cooler than everyone else around and certainly a lot smarter too, answering every question with no trouble. Others wonder if I was apprehensive about approaching you, but the moment you smiled at me from across the room, I knew I had to get to know you. And I’m so happy that two years later, we’re not only the closest of friends, but sisters as well! I love you so much Sana! Happy Birthday!” she finished with a watery smile and Sana could feel the moisture rising in her own eyes too. She wouldn’t make it through this video without shedding tears no matter how much she tried.

 

Next it showed a picture of Sana with Vilde, Noora and Eva that Chris took of them at her pre-Eid-ul-Fitr party.

 

The screen then showed all 3 of them standing in Eva’s bedroom, where they had their first Russebuss meeting.

 

“Sanaaaaa! Happy Birthday!” they all sang together. Then promptly began speaking all at once till Noora, who was sitting in the middle, placed one hand on Eva’s mouth and one hand on Vilde’s and said, “Thank you for always being there for me Sana, whenever I needed a heart to heart, you were the one who helped me see things clearer. And I hope you know that I’m here to do the same for you too, whenever you need me.”

 

She let go of Eva and Vilde after that and then Eva said, “Thank you for fighting for me when you didn’t even know me all that well! You stood up and defended me and I haven’t told you this but it meant so much to me, especially when it happened at a time I thought everyone would abandon me. You’re the bravest and most loyal friend I have.”

 

Vilde cleared her throat and began. “I know it hasn’t always been easy with you and I, especially in the beginning when” she paused and took a deep breath, then continued, “when to be honest, I was an ignorant jerk. I’ve said and done a lot of things that I wish I could undo, but like a true friend you looked past them and still gave me a chance and continued to have my back, and I just want you to know Sana, that I will always have your back too.”

 

Together they finished with a loud, “We loooooove youuuuuu!” and blew kisses at the camera.

 

Next it moved to a picture of five year old Sana standing in the Bakkoush home backyard with the balloon squad. She remembered that day so well, it was taken during the summer break and right after a game of basketball where Sana, Even and Yousef’s team had beat Elias, Mikael, Adam’s team. Mutta had to sit it out because of a knee injury.

 

Then it showed all the boys standing in the same backyard, except for Yousef.

 

Elias began, “Hello annoying little sis, happy birthday! We’ve been each other’s rocks all our lives and though I don’t say this too often, but my life would honestly suck without you-“ Mutta interrupted him and began singing the Kelly Clarkson song with that title before Adam elbowed him and made him stop.

 

Elias rolled his eyes and continued, “As I was saying, I’m proud to call you sis and I know you’ll only make me and Baba and Mama prouder as the years go on. So always keep smiling, because you know, when you’re sad, I’m sad.” He said with an adorable pout and Sana couldn’t help shake her head fondly at that.

 

The rest of the boys nodded and said in unison, “And whether you want us or not, we consider ourselves your brothers too!! Happy Birthday Sis!”

 

Then a picture of Jamilla, Ahmed and Sana slid into view, taken at their engagement party. Both of them appeared on screen and said, “Eed Milad Saaed Sana! We wish you many more years of health and happiness, and all the best for the future! May Allah always protect you and keep you on siratul mustaqeem. We love you!”

 

And finally came the moment she’d been waiting for with anticipation. A candid of her and Yousef filled the screen, one she’d never seen before.

 

It was taken outside the airport, just before they hugged, with Yousef holding her red heart shaped balloon and looking down at her with the most awed expression on his face, like she was the only one that mattered. She was shyly smiling back at him, cheeks flushed and eyes wide, as though she couldn’t believe after all this time, he was finally here, standing in front of her.

 

The picture faded away to show Yousef standing at ‘their’ basketball court, bouncing a ball.

“This was the place where for the first time in my life I felt that maybe it wasn’t a one sided feeling after all. Maybe we both meant something more to each other.”

 

The image of the court dissolved to show Yousef standing in her kitchen, with a carrot peeler in his hand. “This was where I made an utter fool of myself by asking the most ridiculous questions but you still laughed at all my silliness and I thought maybe we’re soulmates after all.”

 

Then it showed him sitting at the docks where they had said goodbye before he left for Turkey. “This was where I left a piece of my heart with you.” He said softly, then added with a wink “And also almost lost a finger.”

 

Everyone else in the room raised their eyebrows but Sana gently laughed, remembering how dramatic he was about that swan.

 

Next it was Yousef lying on his bed in Turkey, holding the camera backward and filming himself. “This was where I missed you everyday, and eagerly waited for the evenings when I would get to see your face.”

 

Lastly it showed Yousef standing in the park where he had revealed how he'd started praying again. “This was where I realized you believed in soulmates too, and that I had finally found mine.”

 

He was wearing that leather jacket she thought he looked so handsome in, and was twisting a bluebell around in his hand.

 

“All these places hold so many special memories for me Sana, every single one associated with you. I could never fully express in words what you mean to me, and as you well know I’ve never been great with words to begin with.” He said with a chuckle.

 

“But I all know is, I want to make a thousand more memories with you Sana, visit a thousand more places and link them all with you. Because I love you more than words could ever express, and so this is for you, dear girl who can’t peel carrots, because you know what? I’ll always be here to peel them for you. Happy Birthday, Ruh Ikizi.”

 

As the video came to a close and the song ended and everyone began clapping, Sana sat there with happy tears sliding down her cheeks and the biggest smile on her face.

 

As she looked around at everyone in the room, she realized how lucky she was. All those years of feeling like an outcast and not finding a space for herself, and now here she was, surrounded by friends and family and her freaking soulmate (yes Yousef Acar made her believe in them).

 

She felt happy, she felt pretty, she felt special.

 

And most of all, she felt _loved._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it! The end! I may add a chapter sometime in the distant future of their engagement/wedding but who knows when so for now it's goodbye on this story.
> 
> I just want to thank everyone who has reviewed, given kudos and bookmarked, ya'll are the best and I hope you liked the ending! Till next time, loads of love, Zarifa <3

**Author's Note:**

> As always lemme know your thoughts!
> 
>  
> 
> here's my tumblr for the few people who asked: http://thickskinandelasticheart.tumblr.com/


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